Born To Run In Place

by IDES

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1.
2.
Motormouth 03:31
White picket dreams, barbed in wire Boundaries erected from frigid desires Nuclear homes, and test tube kids Perfectly sterile and primed for disaster Your business is never just your own Keeping up with Dick and Jane Has never been a deadlier game Position is status in this status quo You're only as worthy as the people you know Backstabs and headwalks on Pleasant and Main Elm Street smells like the fluids exchanged Turning glass houses into hovels We’ll tear up the floorboards, to see how low we can go Four walls, scrawled in secrets They crack the paint and seep right into your skin They get in Past the mask you wear, they see right through you Gag me with a silver spoon, I’m gonna be sick. II. Untrusting, unworthy Stubborn to a fault Wearing scars like trophies and flaws like armor Casting aspersions like stones Made to believe I was made to be alone You kept me well-fed from table scraps Drank up like mother’s milk in a desperate act But I cannot be pleased By a pat on the head and a place on my knees Because only cowards climb the backs of many to sit their throne of rot Pulling the wool over our eyes to keep us all apart But one day we will have our chance to rewrite history And judge you for casting us down With a swiftness, like a guillotine We’ll mend the distance between us, reject your false security Remember our names because they might be the last thing that you ever see Divide. Conquer. Conquer. Divide. Head from the neck, lone wolf from the pack Divide. Conquer. Conquer. Divide. Anything to keep us from talking back.
3.
I don’t care and neither do you So let’s stop pretending that either of us do Blank stares, glazed eyes Across the candlelight Forced smiles, rehearsed lines Drowning in awkward conversation We choke down our meals Wash it down with formality They hand you the check, but I don’t say a word.
4.
NPC 03:30
Flesh gone soft with sedentary life Eyes glazed over, no use for sight No control is total control My flesh is not my own Absolution, or obsoletion: the illusion of choice is yours. Disassociate. Brain on cruise control. Shuffle on your path. Never out of line. Thoughts to data, and ashes to dust Forsaken emotions and carnal lust No reason to live. Less reason to die. Why upset the flow of shit from ass to mouth? Insignificant, nothing but a pawn Useless but to serve Never questions orders I want to feel pain I want to feel pleasure And everything in between But I will never feel any more than necessary It’s not my job to empathize with the world around me And I won’t be there to save you at the edge I’m pacing through the same motions Or juggling while the world ends Am I repeating myself? Am I repeating myself? How many times will this script play out before my time is up? How many times will I repeat myself until I realize you’re already gone? I will never be a hero I was never made to save Puppet on strings tied up in knots performing for a cardboard audience And I’ll stand aside while they pile the bodies high Ask with a polite smile, “Is there anything else I can help you with?”
5.
Tumor 00:57
I want to bury as deep down inside of you as I can get Until you can’t even feel me squirm underneath your skin Nestle there and make your blood run black Until I finally know what it’s like to be close to another human I’ll cover you in boils, caress you with gangrene You won’t even know I’m there, until you feel unclean I could destroy you completely from the inside out But you’d have my undivided attention, what else could you ever ask for? I’ll be your earwig - can’t get me off your mind I’ll be your tapeworm - give you butterflies I’ll be your leach - your blood flows just for me I’ll be your tumor - I’ll bring you down with me.
6.
I’ve spent the last year trying to be anywhere but my own skin Crawled out the Atlantic on a swollen belly wipe the shit off my knees at the Promised Land Rat race has me runnin’ in circles Money’s burnin’ holes through all my jeans So tired of just tryin’ to live the alternative seems sweeter each day. Death and taxes ain’t the only thing keepin’ us down in 2016 There’s a gluttonous virus creepin’ through our machine and he takes and he takes and he takes AND TAKES! Thunderous, in a three-piece suit Linin’ his pockets with the hopes of the youth He snorts and sniffts, and grunts and roots But to call him a pig would be an insult to their species. Bodies swarm the border to see the other side I push myself to the front to be the first one out The air seems so much sweeter there, the streets are paved with gold You can come as you are, leave behind your wordly woes But no one knows that there’s a toll at the light at the end of the tunnel And you’ll still be broke when you reach the other side Oh, I don’t know if the grass is really greener there But what can be worse? (Than failing) in a place that hates you more than you hate it (Anything) has to be better than this (Agony) this American dream is killing me (The irony) of working to death for a living We’re born from shit, and that is where we’ll stay From our conception until our dying day Maybe one day I’ll look back on this like a bad dream Chased by my own demons but with bricks strapped to my feet And the angels run my pockets at the Pearly Gates They’ll let me in, but I’ll still have to work for my place Cause there’s no rest for the ones who intend to make it out alive I’d sell myself short, work myself into the ground When panic only digs your hole deeper There is no scramble to the top Cause we’re digging our graves by running in place, we’re digging our graves… We’re digging our graves by running in place Maybe one day I’ll get out of here, but man that day ain’t today. I’m sick, and tired, my boss is a dick; I think I’ll give up, and go back to sleep But sleep is for the ones who can afford it and I haven’t had enough in years I’m wide awake, planning my escape but too beat to actually do it. Maybe one day I’ll get out of here, but man that day ain’t today. I’m sick, and tired, my boss is a dick; I think I’ll give up, and go back to sleep...
7.
Carbon copy dumpsters Fossilizing morons Fuel for future fodder Garbage eating garbage Does anyone else here seem to think that this place is a fucking dump? While you were scrolling through life, they’ve been funneling shit down all your throats Is anyone else sick of making this trash heap feel like home? Another bottomless landfill with a recyclable tombstone. Scourge
8.
This place is the kind of town that pulls you back just to knock you down The kind of place you go back to when there’s nothing left to lose The streets have all the same names but the shop fronts and owners have all changed Or maybe they’re all just a little bit haggard with age I don’t want to be here any more than you But we’re both at the end of our ropes and one of us has to have scissors. This place is the blackest hole, a dog-eared page, a last resort A consolation prize for those who were never told they could have more And I can’t keep living like a spectre, trying to disappear While you’re dying to party, dying for your party Die, come on, let’s disappear And I never asked for you to be there for me in my time of need But you never asked to never leave So while we’re both stuck here, pour me another drink So we’ll sink down to the local watering hole Where we’ve been so many times before But hell, what’s one more drink? Raise a glass, tip ‘em back to those who passed To those already passed To those who passed... Raise a glass, tip em back To those already passed
9.
Dodging shadows Dodging headlights Tightrope the grey between Empty pockets No attachments Able to vanish in a moment’s notice Change of address Return to sender No one by that name lives here You never were, you never will be You never were, you never will be You can cease to exist In a puff of smoke But your flesh remains chained to the earth For all your mortal debts unpaid And the crows will peck your eyes The crows will peck your eyes The crows will peck your eyes The crows will peck your eyes You will never see the light (Nick: The crows will peck your eyes The crows will peck your eyes The crows will peck your eyes) You will never see - see the ligh
10.
Possessed by impulse, force fed to appease A constant low grumble, down to my knees Bargaining, pleading, designed to fail Unhinged, and drifting, and dreaming of land No past no future, no career in love So crass, so tepid, under a fluorescent sun Unyielding, dissolving, regressing in fear Diluted and searing, our blazing sea This oasis becomes a desert This ocean becomes a grave And my limbs become jelly when they’re hit by the waves My mind is a fucking anchor, rotten from the inside out And God, it’s dragging me under Wait until the bubbles stop… Dozing, and waking Nodding off in the heat These hours, they slip away like sand between my fingertips Each movement takes its toll paralyzed by lethargy But I accept my place within this cradle of apathy I’m all dried up but my brain’s gone wet and I haven’t quenched my thirst just yet Body’s baked into a blistering shell is the world my oyster or a personal hell? Riptides of regret are pulling me under The harsh salty air is tearing me asunder I’m an emotional shipwreck lost at sea and there’s a siren in the bottle serenading me There’s a place for you and a place for me But it only exists at the bottom of the sea I’m tired, so tired, of drowning all alone Put a message in a bottle, and send it back home: “I’M NOT HAVING FUN ANYMORE!”
11.
Dreams of teeth falling out of my head have crept their way out of my bed Coming apart piece by piece all my organs springing leaks Brittle bones turn to ash straight through the hourglass Dig my scabs raw and pink Necrosis revealed underneath Plagued by life, forced to decay Agony of humanity And my body shall return to an earth that will reject me in both life and death. I am nothing but a barren womb A void that spreads from my loins Like cancer, I consume We are all the walking dead Slouching towards the grave Our existence is a blight on this place Only death will lift this plague And we multiply, as we fall apart
12.
Grief Cycle 02:20
Onward into suffering, our final destination So caught up in a better place you’ve no life left to live Our coping process is fucked - stages of grief in a three-part epic No future in sight, feed a memory to keep a corpse alive I try to find the words to say to express what I’m supposed to feel But the person in that box is not who I want to say goodbye to Are you mourning someone else, or preparing to say goodbye yourself? Heads bowed, joined in prayer empty words in a dead language I relive better days pray for tomorrow but forget today We gather, hearts displayed drain ourselves, and it takes the pain away Buried alive Six feet deep in my own mind Nothing inside Can’t even shed a single tear to make the pain go away But the pain won’t go away
13.
Lids grown heavy passing through God’s country Waking up in red light districts Torn maps, burned bridges Compass spinning aimlessly Half-written postcards, missed connections Driving in circles, running in vain Like Galileo, mapping Purgatory Used to use the stars to find my way But under these city lights, they turn their back on me In this black velvet nothing, we are all clusters of stars Grasping to connect the dots of our self-made constellations We burn brightly, but flicker out without much warmth Unable to close the gaps on the cosmos, we are forced to wander A galaxy’s worth of emptiness, inside our own selves We scream our pain into the vacuum of space Pleading for release, but it shows us no grace It saps your light, spills your guts out right It leaves you emptier than you’ve ever known I am a black hole. I am a black hole and I will keep taking until a new universe has formed where you once stood.

credits

released December 18, 2016

Recorded by Peter August at Earthqake Studios
Mixed and mastered by Scot Moriarty
First pressing by serenitynowtapes.bandcamp.com

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IDES New Jersey

I'M NOT HAVING FUN ANYMORE

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