Born To Run In Place

by IDES

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credits

released December 18, 2016

Recorded by Peter August at Earthqake Studios
Mixed and mastered by Scot Moriarty
First pressing by serenitynowtapes.bandcamp.com

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IDES New Jersey

I'M NOT HAVING FUN ANYMORE

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Track Name: Motormouth
White picket dreams, barbed in wire
Boundaries erected from frigid desires
Nuclear homes, and test tube kids
Perfectly sterile and primed for disaster
Your business is never just your own

Keeping up with Dick and Jane
Has never been a deadlier game
Position is status in this status quo
You're only as worthy as the people you know
Backstabs and headwalks on Pleasant and Main
Elm Street smells like the fluids exchanged

Turning glass houses into hovels
We’ll tear up the floorboards, to see how low we can go

Four walls, scrawled in secrets
They crack the paint and seep right into your skin
They get in
Past the mask you wear, they see right through you

Gag me with a silver spoon, I’m gonna be sick.



II.

Untrusting, unworthy
Stubborn to a fault
Wearing scars like trophies
and flaws like armor

Casting aspersions like stones
Made to believe I was made to be alone
You kept me well-fed from table scraps
Drank up like mother’s milk in a desperate act
But I cannot be pleased
By a pat on the head and a place on my knees
Because only cowards climb the backs of many
to sit their throne of rot
Pulling the wool over our eyes
to keep us all apart

But one day we will have our chance to rewrite history
And judge you for casting us down
With a swiftness, like a guillotine
We’ll mend the distance between us, reject your false security
Remember our names because they might be the last thing
that you ever see

Divide. Conquer. Conquer. Divide.
Head from the neck, lone wolf from the pack
Divide. Conquer. Conquer. Divide.
Anything to keep us from talking back.
Track Name: Surfwax Britannica
I don’t care
and neither do you
So let’s stop pretending
that either of us do

Blank stares, glazed eyes
Across the candlelight
Forced smiles, rehearsed lines
Drowning in awkward conversation
We choke down our meals
Wash it down with formality
They hand you the check, but I don’t say a word.
Track Name: NPC
Flesh gone soft with sedentary life
Eyes glazed over, no use for sight
No control is total control
My flesh is not my own
Absolution, or obsoletion:
the illusion of choice is yours.

Disassociate. Brain on cruise control.
Shuffle on your path. Never out of line.
Thoughts to data, and ashes to dust
Forsaken emotions and carnal lust

No reason to live. Less reason to die.
Why upset the flow of shit from ass to mouth?
Insignificant, nothing but a pawn
Useless but to serve
Never questions orders

I want to feel pain
I want to feel pleasure
And everything in between

But I will never feel any more than necessary
It’s not my job to empathize with the world around me
And I won’t be there to save you at the edge
I’m pacing through the same motions
Or juggling while the world ends

Am I repeating myself?
Am I repeating myself?
How many times will this script play out
before my time is up?
How many times will I repeat myself
until I realize you’re already gone?

I will never be a hero
I was never made to save
Puppet on strings tied up in knots
performing for a cardboard audience

And I’ll stand aside
while they pile the bodies high
Ask with a polite smile,
“Is there anything else I can help you with?”
Track Name: Tumor
I want to bury as deep down inside of you as I can get
Until you can’t even feel me squirm underneath your skin
Nestle there and make your blood run black
Until I finally know what it’s like to be close to another human

I’ll cover you in boils, caress you with gangrene
You won’t even know I’m there, until you feel unclean
I could destroy you completely from the inside out
But you’d have my undivided attention, what else could you ever ask for?

I’ll be your earwig - can’t get me off your mind
I’ll be your tapeworm - give you butterflies
I’ll be your leach - your blood flows just for me
I’ll be your tumor - I’ll bring you down with me.
Track Name: Born To Run In Place
I’ve spent the last year trying to be
anywhere but my own skin
Crawled out the Atlantic on a swollen belly
wipe the shit off my knees at the Promised Land

Rat race has me runnin’ in circles
Money’s burnin’ holes through all my jeans
So tired of just tryin’ to live
the alternative seems sweeter each day.

Death and taxes ain’t the only thing keepin’ us down in 2016
There’s a gluttonous virus creepin’ through our machine
and he takes and he takes and he takes AND TAKES!
Thunderous, in a three-piece suit
Linin’ his pockets with the hopes of the youth
He snorts and sniffts, and grunts and roots
But to call him a pig would be an insult to their species.

Bodies swarm the border to see the other side
I push myself to the front to be the first one out
The air seems so much sweeter there, the streets are paved with gold
You can come as you are, leave behind your wordly woes

But no one knows
that there’s a toll at the light at the end of the tunnel
And you’ll still be broke
when you reach the other side
Oh, I don’t know
if the grass is really greener there
But what can be worse?

(Than failing) in a place that hates you more than you hate it
(Anything) has to be better than this
(Agony) this American dream is killing me
(The irony) of working to death for a living

We’re born from shit, and that is where we’ll stay
From our conception until our dying day

Maybe one day I’ll look back on this like a bad dream
Chased by my own demons but with bricks strapped to my feet
And the angels run my pockets at the Pearly Gates
They’ll let me in, but I’ll still have to work for my place

Cause there’s no rest for the ones who intend to make it out alive
I’d sell myself short, work myself into the ground
When panic only digs your hole deeper
There is no scramble to the top

Cause we’re digging our graves by running in place, we’re digging our graves…
We’re digging our graves by running in place


Maybe one day I’ll get out of here, but man that day ain’t today.
I’m sick, and tired, my boss is a dick; I think I’ll give up, and go back to sleep

But sleep is for the ones who can afford it
and I haven’t had enough in years
I’m wide awake, planning my escape
but too beat to actually do it.

Maybe one day I’ll get out of here, but man that day ain’t today.
I’m sick, and tired, my boss is a dick; I think I’ll give up, and go back to sleep...
Track Name: Refuse Refused
Carbon copy dumpsters
Fossilizing morons
Fuel for future fodder
Garbage eating garbage

Does anyone else here seem to think that this place is a fucking dump?
While you were scrolling through life, they’ve been funneling shit down all your throats
Is anyone else sick of making this trash heap feel like home?
Another bottomless landfill
with a recyclable tombstone.

Scourge
Track Name: Party Martyrs
This place is the kind of town
that pulls you back just to knock you down
The kind of place you go back to when there’s nothing left to lose
The streets have all the same names
but the shop fronts and owners have all changed
Or maybe they’re all just a little bit haggard with age

I don’t want to be here any more than you
But we’re both at the end of our ropes
and one of us has to have scissors.

This place is the blackest hole,
a dog-eared page, a last resort
A consolation prize for those who were never told they could have more

And I can’t keep living like a spectre, trying to disappear
While you’re dying to party, dying for your party
Die, come on, let’s disappear

And I never asked for you to be there for me in my time of need
But you never asked to never leave
So while we’re both stuck here, pour me another drink
So we’ll sink down to the local watering hole
Where we’ve been so many times before
But hell, what’s one more drink?
Raise a glass, tip ‘em back to those who passed
To those already passed
To those who passed...
Raise a glass, tip em back
To those already passed
Track Name: Pound of Flesh
Dodging shadows
Dodging headlights
Tightrope the grey between
Empty pockets
No attachments
Able to vanish in a moment’s notice
Change of address
Return to sender
No one by that name lives here

You never were, you never will be
You never were, you never will be

You can cease to exist
In a puff of smoke
But your flesh remains chained to the earth
For all your mortal debts unpaid

And the crows will peck your eyes

The crows will peck your eyes
The crows will peck your eyes
The crows will peck your eyes
You will never see the light

(Nick: The crows will peck your eyes
The crows will peck your eyes
The crows will peck your eyes)
You will never see - see the ligh
Track Name: Vacation From Nothing
Possessed by impulse, force fed to appease
A constant low grumble, down to my knees
Bargaining, pleading, designed to fail
Unhinged, and drifting, and dreaming of land
No past no future, no career in love
So crass, so tepid, under a fluorescent sun
Unyielding, dissolving, regressing in fear
Diluted and searing, our blazing sea

This oasis becomes a desert
This ocean becomes a grave
And my limbs become jelly when they’re hit by the waves
My mind is a fucking anchor, rotten from the inside out
And God, it’s dragging me under
Wait until the bubbles stop…

Dozing, and waking
Nodding off in the heat
These hours, they slip away
like sand between my fingertips
Each movement takes its toll
paralyzed by lethargy
But I accept my place within this cradle of apathy

I’m all dried up but my brain’s gone wet
and I haven’t quenched my thirst just yet
Body’s baked into a blistering shell
is the world my oyster or a personal hell?
Riptides of regret are pulling me under
The harsh salty air is tearing me asunder
I’m an emotional shipwreck lost at sea
and there’s a siren in the bottle serenading me

There’s a place for you
and a place for me
But it only exists
at the bottom of the sea

I’m tired, so tired, of drowning all alone
Put a message in a bottle, and send it back home:
“I’M NOT HAVING FUN ANYMORE!”
Track Name: Accelerated Decrepitude
Dreams of teeth falling out of my head
have crept their way out of my bed
Coming apart piece by piece
all my organs springing leaks

Brittle bones turn to ash
straight through the hourglass
Dig my scabs raw and pink
Necrosis revealed underneath
Plagued by life, forced to decay
Agony of humanity

And my body shall return to an earth that will reject me in both life and death.

I am nothing but a barren womb
A void that spreads from my loins
Like cancer, I consume

We are all the walking dead
Slouching towards the grave
Our existence is a blight on this place
Only death will lift this plague

And we multiply, as we fall apart
Track Name: Grief Cycle
Onward into suffering, our final destination
So caught up in a better place you’ve no life left to live
Our coping process is fucked - stages of grief in a three-part epic
No future in sight, feed a memory to keep a corpse alive

I try to find the words to say to express what I’m supposed to feel
But the person in that box is not who I want to say goodbye to
Are you mourning someone else, or preparing to say goodbye yourself?

Heads bowed, joined in prayer
empty words in a dead language
I relive better days
pray for tomorrow but forget today
We gather, hearts displayed
drain ourselves, and it takes the pain away

Buried alive
Six feet deep in my own mind
Nothing inside
Can’t even shed a single tear to make the pain go away
But the pain won’t go away
Track Name: Sorry, Nothing.
Lids grown heavy passing through God’s country
Waking up in red light districts
Torn maps, burned bridges
Compass spinning aimlessly
Half-written postcards, missed connections

Driving in circles, running in vain
Like Galileo, mapping Purgatory
Used to use the stars to find my way
But under these city lights, they turn their back on me

In this black velvet nothing, we are all clusters of stars
Grasping to connect the dots of our self-made constellations
We burn brightly, but flicker out without much warmth
Unable to close the gaps on the cosmos, we are forced to wander
A galaxy’s worth of emptiness, inside our own selves

We scream our pain into the vacuum of space
Pleading for release, but it shows us no grace
It saps your light, spills your guts out right
It leaves you emptier than you’ve ever known

I am a black hole.

I am a black hole
and I will keep taking until a new universe has formed
where you once stood.